2020: 76

17 October

Woke up this morning with a very heavy heaviness about me. Had a gathering scheduled for 08:30am. The drive was filled with loud prayer in a quiet car and many other words and thoughts. It gets better.

I’m always amazed at how things can change in a second. I’m disappointed. That makes it harder.

The morning included seeing people I haven’t seen in a while. People I’m fond of. People with inspirational stories, heavy weights they carry, many great things done. The laughter was good for my soul. The inspiration and motivation and prayer was where and what I needed.

The drive back was much lighter. I was tired though. I was wondering about many things. I still feel like I need space and quiet and my own couch and comfy chair and and and … comfort of the things I love around me. A space I love. With my own things I miss so much.

The person I love was my place of peace. Ironically. I don’t think I ever said that. I didn’t feel the need to say anything. A peaceful quiet is natural. Beautiful. My life has always been busy. It needs a place to rest. A home. Time to find it.

Change is inevitable.

When I was in Port Elizabeth a few weeks ago the absolute message I got was that that’s not where I should be at this time. Yes, I was considering looking for work there again. So, no. maybe it’s time to move somewhere else. Not sure. I still feel I should be around here. Nothing that leaves you as unsure as something that unearths you somewhat.

Where to is the next call?

Here or … change of gear …

I want to move. Need to. Away. Not running. No need to go far. Just change. Feeling stuck.
Space.
Mine.
A place where I can be me.
Please.
Thank you.
Amen.

Image by Peter H from Pixabay

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