A loudly, quiet day. Something’s amiss. I know what it is. I’ve over-romanticised it. It never happened the way I want to think it. In fact, it made me feel worse for hoping.
Today I learnt about dissociation. It seems it’s something I do. A revelation. Indicative of more / deeper / … sigh. I hide it well. A trauma response.
I listened to Debussy’s piano pieces today. It was calming. I haven’t listened to so much piano playing in ages. I’ve been thinking of playing for ages. Today was the first time I thought I will actually start. I miss the piano. I never thought I’d say that. I hated playing piano at some point in time. It represented disappointment in my life. Disappointment in myself and in people who were supposed to teach me but rather boxed me into a box they can manage. Debussy and Brahms’ piano pieces were always my favourites.
I have a few things going on in my head today.
The question: I am/was your friend; are/were you really my friend?
Great discussion about covenants and contracts. If I am invited to a wedding, especially in a church and officiated by a minister, am I not a witness to their covenant / contract? Therefore, do I not have some covenantal responsibility to wards that marriage covenant? (I think carefully these days before accepting a wedding invitation.)
Today was insightful. Good conversations was had. I want a hug.