01 November 2020
Yesterday made me aware of something.
I am the one and I am not the one.
When I want to be the one, I am not.
When I don’t want to be the one, I am.
Typing this has me smiling.
Reading this almost has me laugh out loud.
I learnt a few things this weekend.
Life is beautiful. Why do people insist on creating drama? Subtle and unnecessary. Jealousy is an interesting dragon. The cultural programming where women undermine other women for … well, I’m not sure what. Can we please support each other, encourage each other, celebrate each other? We are not battling each other. And if you are, why and for what? Especially if you’re supposedly in the same circle of friends. Well, you’re not friends then. Disappointing.
I struggle to comprehend the inherent clique mentality that showed its face recently and how it affects the people who do not sign up for that vibe. When we exclude others we also exclude ourselves. And it doesn’t then mean that one is exclusive in the ‘unattainable’ sense. Maybe one day when they’re big. Siiiiiiigh.
I ended a few grapples this weekend. The grapplings that was happening in my head and heart. Closed. Finished. End of line. Never to return again in the same form or format or thought or thought pattern or … well … finished. And then an old vibe makes its appearance. When I recognised it, it became a hearty laugh from the pit of my stomach. I am prepared though, more than I thought. Embrace it, with boundaries.
This is a safe space.
Talk to me.
Don’t make problems yours that don’t belong.
Eyes on the prize.
What I need now is my red chair, a glass of red wine and some laid back music.
Love lives here.