2020: 44

18 November

11 x 4 = 44 = 2 x 22
The number of my current age. I hear the echo of someone saying … You are still young … in the hopes of deflecting my attention / attraction / interest (I think). Fascinating. It was too late.
The comment felt somewhat dismissive … as if not enough life experience meant not good enough. Felt. Feeling. No. Choose a different feeling and thought to feed the narrative. The continuous demeaning of the self that was taught while growing up.

Today I had brunch with a friend and ex-colleague. It was good. It’s been too long. I also heard from a longtime friend for the first time in months. We talked for about 30 minutes … could’ve been more. It was also good. I also spoke to a friend who is heartbroken for her friend whose son chose to end his life this past weekend. The conversation was also good. We committed to get together when she is in the Cape Town side again.

Connecting / reconnecting with people has filled my cup today. Love lives there. Love lives here. Especially people with whom I have longstanding ties. However far we have drifted. To pick up the phone and dive deep into serious conversations. Investment was made years ago. Foundations laid. It withstands the tests of time, the storms, the challenges, the heartbreak … Sometimes it surprises me how connected people remain, how connected I remain with long times of not hearing from some people. It’s quite delightful. Really. It’s a lovely feeling and knowing. I feel like the person is somehow part of me … and I suppose it is. Especially in cases where the person was part of some forming experience in life. Be it at school, university, work, dance, music, church, … somewhere.

Do I honour such connections?
How do I think about them?
Do I respond with sufficient humility, respect and love?

We are all connected. Interlinked. All of us. We affect each other and have an effect on each other. Our presence, our words, our actions. Forever. Connected. Like a golden thread running through all of us. Whether we look up to see each other or not. The fact that we’re here, at this time, in this place.

Flawless, beautiful people. Imperfectly perfect.

Look up. See me. I see you.

Image by Ralf Kunze from Pixabay

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