Over the past few weeks I have been starting very slowly to sort my books and papers. I have also found that my Dad has kept ALL my music – choir, vocal, piano, clarinet. I am grateful for this. Going through each box and pile reminds of the things I have played and events, concerts, performances, examinations I have taken part in. This is especially important in a time where I have doubted myself, my abilities, my contributions, what I bring to any environment.
I do not / can not compartmentalise rigidly. Everything in (my) life, I believe, has a golden thread running though. Everything affects everything else. Acknowledging this has carried, taken and had me live and love through many interesting, difficult, challenging situations coming out stronger and with more lessons on the other side. It has given me experiences and examples and … just a myriad of life, love, laughter, tears, joy, lessons and blessings!
I had forgotten.
I was saddening.
Thereafter it was delightful. I remembered the feeling of knowing my level of skill and awareness of how it just elevated my state of being. I was so grateful for so much then in the moments. The friends. The opportunities. The busy-ness. The love we all had for music. The frustrations expressed. The indulgences. The horrors. The gatherings. The parties. The stupidities. The experiences. The life. The love. The laughter. The joy. Youth. Conversations. Innocence. Immaturity and the bliss thereof. The people. The networks. The vibes and environments. The tragedies. The intentions. The direction. The expectations. The hard work. The results. The accolades. The applause. The standing ovations. The tours. The concerts. The productions. The operas. The musicals.
What else have I done that I had forgotten?
Who have I forgotten in that process?
What needs to be remembered?
Who needs to be thanked and acknowledged?
What stories needs to be preserved?
Who do I need / want to apologise to and / or reconnect with?
It feels like galaxies and lifetimes away …
I miss parts of the then me … I love most parts of me now … bring it together … forge forward …
I’m loving this journey. Truly.
This is love. This is life. My heart smiles.