Today I had a 9am appointed to have my eyes tested. Something’s changed … very slightly … but I can feel it. It was also time for my regular eye test.
The entire process always fascinates me. I’m with my regular optometrist whom I’ve been with probably for between 16 – 18 years. She knows me. The staff knows me. They’ve grown and I love the service and the frames and just … it’s lovely.
It starts with a little wind being blown into your eye while a reading is taken. Then the regular eye test and some light conversation and jokes and questions and answers and then the eye x-rays where we have a look at the health of the eye balls.
Today everything went well. My left eye x-ray showed something irregular but it wasn’t anything major … it will go away. I’m getting new frames and an adjustment in my reading glasses with some things added to help me maintain eye health as I look at computer screens a lot. I found out that my optometrist has a discount drawer. Yhooo … why didn’t I know that before? Lol! Conversation today was nice. I’m also testing out some contact lenses.
So when I spoke about my eyes changing, she so casually said: “It happens at this age.” I burst out laughing. Yhooo … what is THIS age? When did I become a person in THIS age?
I thought about eyes today. What I see. How I see. What filters I wear when I look. What do you see when you look at me. What do you see when you look around you. What did you see when you looked at me that day in the parking lot. Your eyes were deep black pools. Unsaid words. Why can’t we just speak them. Tired of the thought. Your eyes held me captivated and my soul wanted to jump right out of me and into your arms. I wanted to … hold you. It felt like your eyes were screaming for help …
Eyes … the windows of the soul. Most times guarded. I can’t stop my face, but my eyes hide things really well … unless you know me well and well, yeah …
There has been eyes that I have avoided unintentionally intentional. I think I was afraid of what I would see in them. I would have said yes from forever ago … it was always yes. Eyes eYes eYES. For whatever. A fact that I’ve hidden for years. Is that regret I feel? Hmmm …
Today felt like the rest of the week. Like internal chaos. Somewhere there was a birthday or so and some sad news and … more Covid infections and deaths.
I’ve been looking down more than looking up for a while. Too long of a time. I have to look up more. But not my regular ups only to the clouds and the mountains and the trees … but also the ups into eyes so you can see … me.
Take care of you.