20211201: it’s been a while

it’s really been a while since i left some thoughts here … new job, new routine, new information, new things to learn … this is day 1 of my 6th month in my new job. the first 5 months have been interesting to say the least. i forgot about academia’s things. gaps.

i missed writing the things down that dance around in my mind. i miss how i need to think before i write. i miss this. and i missed you.

loss has also been part of this time. loss. funerals. driving. singing. loss. heartsore. loss. disappointment. loss.

Image by moritz320 from Pixabay

growth. happiness. pain. pleasure. guilty pleasures. secrets. conversations. friendships. support. family. encouragement. what has been happening? everything is extra. extra spicy. nothing happens easily. pandemic. levels. bans. curfews. alcohol. getting used to …

what will i be writing about? why do i feel the need to write? why do i miss this?

church. community. it’s happening. connections.

i am still framing my experience of the past 5 months in my mind. the lessons learnt and the fingers burnt. the direction i am growing in and some direction i am directed to.

it’s been a while … since i saw my thoughts on paper. trimmed and all. breathe. don’t forget to breathe.

christmas is coming. 2022 is calling. holidays are planned. omicron. travel bans. people’s plans stopped. what to do now? where am i going to get the money now? how now?

the things i think about.

friends planning weddings. feeling failures. celebrating successes. loving. living. laughing. with caution. coz corona.

my brain is everywhere but here. everywhere. my heart is confused and strong and resilient and … my responses are surprising to me. promises made. promises kept.

love lives here. always. every day. every way. no matter the disappointment the heart ache the heartbreak the hurt the drama the ingratitude the unwillingness. it lives here. chosen. unchanging. expecting the worst. celebrating the good. life. love. laugh.

it’s been a while.

today
i’m
back.

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