20211208: passive/ion aggressive

i loved you once, i love you still somewhere deep down. i found myself veering towards the passive aggressive because the words i wanted to say to you was stopped in my throat. a while back. they want out. the opportunity to say them to you has passed. choices. time. it will subside. breathe.

the wrong person, the wrong place, the wrong time i was. i never would have been any way … that’s what i believe. if i was the story would be different.

Image by No-longer-here from Pixabay



this is not your spot.

i love flowers. i should speak my heart more often in the moment when it’s necessary. somewhere in my past i learnt the wrong lesson … to first keep quiet and listen … one can listen and engage and learn at the same time. i land in so many difficult situations when i just listen for too long.

it’s been a while. i should be over it. moved on. it lingers though. that specific feeling of rejection. a special sting. spicy.

peace will come, it’s on its way. you be at peace too with the choice you made. it’s a suitable choice. a lovely one for you. the place you chose for your heart to rest.

honestly, i’m tired of these lessons. more recently i’ve been feeling like i missed the boat, my turn, my … well … yeah. factors have been contributing. what informed the choices i made? are the reasons still valid?

i need a place to rest. to lay my head. to live, breathe, love and laugh they way i want to. loud and soft. big and small. plain and elaborate. simple and complex. where there’s colours i chose and the peace is so calm it brings sleep.

sleep. breathe deeply. and when you wake up … look up. look up to the mountains …

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