2020: 8

24 December

4 x 2 = 8

It is the night before Christmas … it is also some level of lockdown with a curfew amidst the second of the pandemic. The usual cooking is scaled down immensely. I’m grateful for that. The levels of cooking we went to for Christmas was exorbitant usually … and unnecessary.

It is the night before Christmas and my heart is light and heavy. Light because it is Christmas. And holy day for me, as a Christ-follower. Heavy because grief. Grieving many things … the annual things and the mourning of known and loved people. And disappointment of another no.

It is the night before Christmas and many thoughts dance around in my mind. A drive-by memorial next door. I think back to last year when a little flame burnt in my hear, it’s fading.

It is the night before Christmas and I feel like the Grinch.

It is the night before Christmas and I miss my person. Who is that?

It is the night before Christmas and I’m listening to Christmas music. The atmosphere varies from fun to holy to awe-inspiring to nostalgia to prayerfulness. The knowing that tomorrow is going to be tiring even if I don’t think it should be.

It is the night before Christmas and hope, prayer and love is alive.

It is the night before Christmas and the cakes are baked, cold meats are cooked, churches are closed, shops are empty, people are quiet, people are wary, people are self-isolating, families are far away, loneliness increase, …

Christmas is Christmas for me after 4pm. When I can sit still and be quiet. When I can contemplate about what Christmas means to me. When the busyness has calmed down. When I don’t have to anymore. When I can say no. When I think of what and who I would like to say yes to. When I think about family gatherings when I was small and my grandparents were still alive. When I imagine what I would like Christmas to look like.
Holy. Love. Peace.

Have a blessed day tomorrow. Christmas is about family and connection and miracles. I hope you can be surrounded by loved ones, even if only a few.

Much love.
Merry Christmas.
Be blessed and be blessing.

Photo Cred: Dr CS

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