2020: 2

30 December

Prime nr 1. Coz 1 is not a prime nr.

Being aware of my body to note any changes that might indicate that I have Covid19 … whole day in my head like Google search engine. Our brains are immaculate things. Do we acknowledge it and take care of it? I don’t do it enough. For sure.

I was schooled today on the difference between self-isolation and quarantine … I used the wrong word. Lesson noted. My heart sighed. The intention blocked. I miss the person. I don’t miss being schooled. It’s too familiar. A tactic used too many times in my life to keep people at bay or rather away (from getting too close and seeing the truth). It stings a little because of its familiarity. Years and years of it. Conversations that are actually monologues or sermons or lessons. Ways to keep people you love at a distance because they didn’t know how to people and love and hug and talk and laugh and … family or friends. I just want to talk, have an amicable conversation full of nonsensicalities, jokes, ideas, love, relaxation, fun and moments. Friendship. Connection. Warmth. Why is there fear? I love you anyway.

The eve of New Year’s Eve it is. Neither of the three things I’ve hoped and prayed for got a yes. Lessons to infinity I’ve learnt and some are still in progress. My laughter easily turns into tears. The line between is thin. I don’t want to repeat bad patterns, I’m aware of them and of the circles and spirals. The plan to change them involves new habits.

I also received such an informative message from a school pal, choir colleague and good acquaintance who read yesterday’s blog. She told of her experience with Covid, her testing and advice if I needed to go for testing. It was such a loveliness to experience. The care to go out of your way to share your experience to help someone else. Thx TF. Rhenish did some good. 🙂

Sometimes things are as complicated as we think it. Most times it’s not. Choose simple.

Love lives here.

A VW Splittie! Photo taken by karisMatiek at Car D’Lane in Coeur D’Alene, North Idaho, USA in June 2017

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